


All Is To Be Dared

by goddessofasymptotes



Category: Pretty Little Liars, Sappho - Fandom
Genre: 0T6 fic, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Ezria is Not a Love Story, F/F, Femslash, Recovery, Slow Burn, canon divergent from near the end of 4b, completed work, he's freaking A!, let's argue with the monomyth, this is actually going to be really long -- it doesn't have a word count bc formatting!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-20
Updated: 2018-09-16
Packaged: 2019-05-24 20:35:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 0
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14961720
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goddessofasymptotes/pseuds/goddessofasymptotes
Summary: Strength in a broken thing, almost by definition, does not achieve the right aims. 'Strong' predicated of a person is not translatable to: strong like a beast, like a smell, like a drink, like a bomb.Which is it -- the kind of strong they are?(Who's to say, if she won't? If Spencer won't? Who is in the right place to tell them?)This is my riff on the classic Ezra-is-A AU: or, a story of two girls falling in love with each other and their genius.





	1. he seems to me equal to gods that man

**Author's Note:**

> for more info see: https://allistobedared2018.tumblr.com/ :)
> 
> also i originally formatted this as a book so i'm sorry if the formatting is wonky -- i'll put up a pdf link once i've posted all the chapters!
> 
> ps: i realized i ought to have mentioned that this story is profoundly indebted to other writers in this fandom who blazed the trail of feminist PLL fic holding Ezra accountable for his actions. i may have been swimming in too much executive dysfunction to comment on your work when i first read it, but that doesn't mean it wasn't life-saving, consciousness-raising, and gorgeously written. i'm thinking especially of lco123's 'wicked little town' AU, speakpirate's 'slouching towards bethlehem', and twocankeepasecret's 'all things truly wicked'... though i'm sure there are even more examples that i'm forgetting right now. anyway, i'm honored to be sharing a genre with the likes of y'all! let's make this a long and lively tradition.

[](https://imgur.com/ElJ4Ly8)   
[](https://imgur.com/M3cL8ew)   
[](https://imgur.com/wnMIbB4)   
[](https://imgur.com/KWIbXJj)


	2. whoever he is who opposite you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which our heroines look themselves in the mirror--put on a brave face--and decide to get the hell out of rosewood.

[](https://imgur.com/phTbi15)   
[](https://imgur.com/2ct8GKG)   
[](https://imgur.com/Pt4S09f)   
[](https://imgur.com/Op5M6Yw)   
[](https://imgur.com/ndsTHNp)   
[](https://imgur.com/O0lbgGC)   
[](https://imgur.com/L9VaDXz)


	3. sits and listen close/to your sweet speaking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which we switch p.o.v. -- go on a road trip -- and need to look at each other in order to see ourselves.

[](https://imgur.com/y92nZDo)   
[](https://imgur.com/blYuGLR)   
[](https://imgur.com/4PRC5sT)   
[](https://imgur.com/uyBK0lr)   
[](https://imgur.com/DT77ZW7)   
[](https://imgur.com/7MNPaad)   
[](https://imgur.com/JtkXyBz)   
[](https://imgur.com/WvedDuX)   
[](https://imgur.com/4iG915C)   
[](https://imgur.com/2syUZ5A)   
[](https://imgur.com/tCJKbWP)   
[](https://imgur.com/5YOuHKY)   
[](https://imgur.com/hk71VyO)   
[](https://imgur.com/yZLFWv5)


	4. and lovely laughing--oh it/puts the heart in my chest on wings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much for the kind comments, everyone! <3 your feedback helps me feel like i'm not just setting this project adrift into the great big internet, and i can't tell you much i appreciate that. i'm sorry this update took longer, but never fear -- we're still not even halfway through our heroines' journeys. :)

[](https://imgur.com/SX5WYl0)   
[](https://imgur.com/mWlGPFV)   
[](https://imgur.com/3BT8A5h)   
[](https://imgur.com/EdwRUMG)   
[](https://imgur.com/GtaeDwl)   
[](https://imgur.com/Iqz3kTZ)   
[](https://imgur.com/Ni2CXBX)   
[](https://imgur.com/p6vfehS)   
[](https://imgur.com/UTJ3AcG)   
[](https://imgur.com/eJu0Rio)   
[](https://imgur.com/pJMgdaA)   
[](https://imgur.com/iavIZ0p)   
[](https://imgur.com/OsYrcdt)   
[](https://imgur.com/a4IreT5)   
[](https://imgur.com/52KiPHL)


	5. for when i look at you, even a moment, no speaking/is left in me

[](https://imgur.com/k10NMhy)   
[](https://imgur.com/hCgw9jN)   
[](https://imgur.com/hVS1PW4)   
[](https://imgur.com/vhKKcyd)   
[](https://imgur.com/dmJaGJS)   
[](https://imgur.com/deClVBa)   
[](https://imgur.com/BlL7D2q)   
[](https://imgur.com/VZCYORJ)   
[](https://imgur.com/jekHu9j)   
[](https://imgur.com/k4tGmVI) [](https://imgur.com/ndCA93h)   
[](https://imgur.com/AAyXFWQ)


	6. no: tongue breaks and thin/fire is racing under skin

[](https://imgur.com/u9W6oWt)   
[](https://imgur.com/MNWUul1)   
[](https://imgur.com/tMFKuGS)   
[](https://imgur.com/tS0yTzZ)   
[](https://imgur.com/BPXIPUB)   
[](https://imgur.com/HPBEXTH)   
[](https://imgur.com/bm27iWt)   
[](https://imgur.com/TT9aC5w)   
[](https://imgur.com/dTwiLfL)   
[](https://imgur.com/YnaT0bt)   
[](https://imgur.com/rvBkkuf)   
[](https://imgur.com/WMrL2Ju)   
[](https://imgur.com/qbC8ZEZ)   
[](https://imgur.com/0WR5xuN)   
[](https://imgur.com/FSVwvPG)   
[](https://imgur.com/Gcsxp02)   
[](https://imgur.com/j2mDzMw)   
[](https://imgur.com/uqe9HUD)   
[](https://imgur.com/AYr8gTg)   
[](https://imgur.com/IONrplc)   
[](https://imgur.com/krXLOWi)   
[](https://imgur.com/vp1JsCn)   
[](https://imgur.com/eac7oXh)   
[](https://imgur.com/NMHSZtq)   
[](https://imgur.com/BK1P27O)


	7. and in eyes no sight and drumming/fills ears

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahhh thank you all for the kind feedback on the last few chapters!! i am verklempt :')) i'm sorry, also, that this one took somewhat longer to post -- it's been a bit of a busy week, and the next chapter is one of my favorites out of the whole story, so i didn't want to rush it. i hope the wait didn't diminish your appetite. 
> 
> i think of this section as a thesis statement for the whole story, in some ways, and also as something like a hinge between two arcs of the narrative. up until now we've had spencer and aria's adventure of getting together, and discovering the selves they have in that togetherness -- next, we'll see what that togetherness means when they take on the world, as well as some reflection on what has changed. anyway, that's just a teaser, or a nota bene, however you want to take it. you'll also notice that the form gets a little more experimental here -- i hope not unreadably so! (there really is no right or wrong way to read it). i just found it important, at this juncture, to emphasize the simultaneity and reciprocity of our heroines' P.O.V.s.
> 
> okay, i will try not to suffocate you with further disclaimers, but i really do hope that you enjoy reading it, and i would LOVE to talk if you've got any thoughts or questions. as well as the comments here, you can always feel free to shoot me a message @metaphora on tumblr, or @allistobedared2018, which is the account i made specifically for this project. happy reading, and thanks for sticking with me this far! <3

[](https://imgur.com/vIdWuJk)   
[](https://imgur.com/HxpmM8s)   
[](https://imgur.com/h3ALtKY)   
[](https://imgur.com/8Qtt8xn)   
[](https://imgur.com/CqsGUX7)   
[](https://imgur.com/A79BAWC)   
[](https://imgur.com/7ogOcJI)   
[](https://imgur.com/hzhGAQh)   
[](https://imgur.com/tVTB0U9)   
[](https://imgur.com/6lbl3dK)


	8. and cold sweat holds me and shaking/grips me all

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi again everyone! all the comments you guys left on the last chapter were so lovely that they made me do odd things like dance to marina & the diamonds songs in my bedroom in the middle of the night, so in other words i'm a dork and i'm so very pleased you're enjoying it. <3 the last chapter was esp. close to my heart, so your words meant a lot to me. thank you!!
> 
> after the intensity of the scene before, what comes next feels to me more like a trifle or two before the next arc starts up in earnest -- so, because these trifles are short, and don't do a lot of heavy-duty diving into our heroines' emotional landscapes, i thought i would sweeten the deal by posting the next two at once! there _is_ , on the other hand, a bit more plot than usual... but don't look too closely at that, or you may discover the handwaving behind my potemkin village; i.e., the fact that i have nooo idea how to actually solve PLL's main mystery, haha. fingers crossed that my gestures in that direction will suffice!
> 
> this is also the first point in the story where the whole ensemble cast enters, albeit still in a mediated way, so i'll be eager to know what you guys think about that -- i hope it'll be fun. :))

[](https://imgur.com/IaQc4yy)   
[](https://imgur.com/Iyv6rwS)   
[](https://imgur.com/mPrM1Ct)   
[](https://imgur.com/QSuLeb9)   
[](https://imgur.com/zu3Oq3B)   
[](https://imgur.com/hrjBibq)   
[](https://imgur.com/52YKhnr)   
[](https://imgur.com/KDJmdXf)   
[](https://imgur.com/z75NESd)


	9. [ , ]

[](https://imgur.com/Qx2vHEf)   
[](https://imgur.com/ASChS1A)   
[](https://imgur.com/9SsIk8O)   
[](https://imgur.com/iRWP0G2)   
[](https://imgur.com/agtcsVU)


	10. greener than grass/I am, and dead -- or almost --

[](https://imgur.com/VRL84YR)   
[](https://imgur.com/nj3KMU9)   
[](https://imgur.com/TREr0da)   
[](https://imgur.com/JZnkQIN)   
[](https://imgur.com/2Qa2hNx)   
[](https://imgur.com/lTDNepH)   
[](https://imgur.com/pZTipAB)   
[](https://imgur.com/bqYKLvX)   
[](https://imgur.com/473Lf74)   
[](https://imgur.com/4x9V0oj)   
[](https://imgur.com/dz0Cdy6)   
[](https://imgur.com/op0beJm)   
[](https://imgur.com/HeWVb7d)   
[](https://imgur.com/uJWl1aF)   
[](https://imgur.com/IWuTM9l)   
[](https://imgur.com/iq5nrds)   
[](https://imgur.com/tNZQand)   
[](https://imgur.com/1LDPVo5)   
[](https://imgur.com/VOaz3Qk)   
[](https://imgur.com/OgoKG6x)


	11. I seem to me.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sparia get their tarot cards read in lieu of therapy, and find out what it means to argue with the monomyth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi everyone! thanks as always for the kind feedback on the last few sections -- I am continually amazed at what great readers there are in this fandom, and grateful that you've stuck with this story all the way up until now. this next section is a bit of an odd one: I'm going to add a few disclaimers just because I think they might smooth out your reading experience. 
> 
> First of all, this is a three-part chapter, although those three parts really only make up one scene. I deliberated a little on the best way to post this, and I've settled on the following: each segment will be a separate chapter, but I'm going to post the chapters one-per-day instead of ~once a week as I was doing. Hopefully that'll give you enough reading time to not get snowed under, but also a short enough break that you don't have to worry about losing the thread!
> 
> Secondly, this is the first part of the story which I wrote in an academic context. (Full explanation of that is somewhere in the comments; tl;dr, I used this fic as my senior thesis!) Basically what that means is just that I started incorporating some theoretical texts to try and illustrate all the stuff that's going on for Aria and Spencer. I wanted to let them look back on all that has led up to this moment, including times when they acted self-destructively, and face the future with full clarity and confidence in who they are. I used a bunch of pretty random sources to do this -- mostly just things that have personally been important to me at one time or another in my history of reading. It's _so_ okay if you haven't encountered those sources before, and my hope is that it shouldn't matter overmuch to your understanding of the story. If I've done my job well, the emotional resonance should be totally legible even if the allusions aren't your thing. But if you _are_ curious and want to dive deeper, I'm gonna compile a v. short works-cited page on tumblr listing the texts I leaned on the most. This should be up in the next couple days, @allistobedared2018.tumblr. 
> 
> Phew! All of that said, feel free to just sit back and enjoy the ride. I hope I haven't murdered to dissect! Self-conscious writer meta, out -- and now, on to the story... <3

[](https://imgur.com/xLbZvk2)   
[](https://imgur.com/e23CGBE)   
[](https://imgur.com/aRiwwA2)   
[](https://imgur.com/wHEZSrS)   
[](https://imgur.com/aZU20AC)   
[](https://imgur.com/ZmTQFus)   
[](https://imgur.com/aoccjWe)   
[](https://imgur.com/iEF11CH)   
[](https://imgur.com/vu5lHEZ)   
[](https://imgur.com/SlfyGta)   
[](https://imgur.com/VlWmeHc)   
[](https://imgur.com/LypsFTC)


	12. Strength (the querent)

[](https://imgur.com/ZbIvVrU)   
[](https://imgur.com/cCapBJs)   
[](https://imgur.com/8lgFK6x)   
[](https://imgur.com/EH6JwY6)   
[](https://imgur.com/d8jKJ5R)   
[](https://imgur.com/RbvgBib)   
[](https://imgur.com/ye8oFXb)   
[](https://imgur.com/JTFHUiu)   
[](https://imgur.com/N3JmkEZ)   
[](https://imgur.com/J3AZjfz)   
[](https://imgur.com/1mT9mqd)   
[](https://imgur.com/FIcyEyf)   
[](https://imgur.com/mWFBVpe)   
[](https://imgur.com/KgBK6A2)   
[](https://imgur.com/aLt9WGJ)


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks again for all the kind feedback, everyone! this is just a quick update, because I'm traveling tomorrow, but I wanted to make sure I got the last installment of this tarot reading scene up before I did. This is the last of the theory-heavy chapters, so I promise we'll get back to the meat of the story soon -- I'm impressed and pleased that you guys stuck with them, though, and glad that you've been enjoying Lady Lola!

[](https://imgur.com/yK0pyJf)   
[](https://imgur.com/3Cidd7f)   
[](https://imgur.com/uKQ9Qe6)   
[](https://imgur.com/Db1wHbg)   
[](https://imgur.com/KVzGd11)   
[](https://imgur.com/S3ZzK3P)   
[](https://imgur.com/EQe1YMS)   
[](https://imgur.com/s1ARDVE)   
[](https://imgur.com/2xPPEJZ)   
[](https://imgur.com/klHVjEk)   
[](https://imgur.com/mHDrkW4)   
[](https://imgur.com/q61GBu4)   
[](https://imgur.com/S03OMeb)   
[](https://imgur.com/cBS2QX1)   
[](https://imgur.com/cZTzJAh)   
[](https://imgur.com/eJ5OfKI)   
[](https://imgur.com/6KcPNHw)   
[](https://imgur.com/LqvxH3J)   
[](https://imgur.com/kgWhige)   
[](https://imgur.com/WosbbG6)   
[](https://imgur.com/5pbU22y)   
[](https://imgur.com/vqaNad1)   
[](https://imgur.com/0Ampxlm)   
[](https://imgur.com/3TQmk3q)   
[](https://imgur.com/4xzmDJu)   
[](https://imgur.com/rbMYFPB)


	14. but all is to be dared (pt.1, mirror)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello again -- thanks for all the kind comments on the last chapter and for your patience waiting for this one! :) it's another multi-parter, so i will probably add the next installment tomorrow or the next day. hope you guys enjoy!! we're getting close to the eye of the storm, here.

[](https://imgur.com/WyhLukU)   
[](https://imgur.com/xJzB9Sn)   
[](https://imgur.com/CXsLo3d)   
[](https://imgur.com/PK9wy2e)   
[](https://imgur.com/hikHBkh)   
[](https://imgur.com/yJ7vJxo)   
[](https://imgur.com/7Fpdmjl)   
[](https://imgur.com/y8XDOWP)   
[](https://imgur.com/xTB4chO)   
[](https://imgur.com/svczAwh)   
[](https://imgur.com/M8CfCd9)   
[](https://imgur.com/f5IXisj)   
[](https://imgur.com/zn6EfY5)   
[](https://imgur.com/OhfaRbX)   
[](https://imgur.com/B2uvJIo)   
[](https://imgur.com/tkHSCxC)   
[](https://imgur.com/HJ97p8a)   
[](https://imgur.com/Odf8Wu7)   
[](https://imgur.com/TazjWyB)   
[](https://imgur.com/fvtEjhU)


	15. but all is to be dared (pt.ii, skull's eye/screens)

[](https://imgur.com/w9mMQNa)   
[](https://imgur.com/n9jdxMo)   
[](https://imgur.com/qpo4Ebj)   
[](https://imgur.com/2F01aT1)   
[](https://imgur.com/ICjXf8p)   
[](https://imgur.com/SbP58zp)   
[](https://imgur.com/wWsj8EL)   
[](https://imgur.com/yfE3vNO)   
[](https://imgur.com/ZFxuOX4)   
[](https://imgur.com/YJj4XCZ)   
[](https://imgur.com/Sdi7yGr)   
[](https://imgur.com/u7ZwTkQ)   
[](https://imgur.com/vvTJs1c)   
[](https://imgur.com/rglr85r)   
[](https://imgur.com/jy4nzCl)   
[](https://imgur.com/84ztVcO)   
[](https://imgur.com/OlUkpHn)   
[](https://imgur.com/bo1jgRd)   
[](https://imgur.com/lRUGBed)   
[](https://imgur.com/PCwPZBE)   
[](https://imgur.com/pEfTQAj)   
[](https://imgur.com/0Fsrqql)


	16. because even a person of poverty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi everyone, thank you so much for the kind feedback on the last chapter!! I'm sorry that it's taken me a while to respond and update -- I actually just starting a new real-world job (!) so I've been quite busy, but I promise I'm determined to carve out the time to see this story through. on that note, here is the beginning of another chapter! I think I'm going to drop it in two installments, because it's another long one -- I hope the first one gives you enough to chew on for now! also, because I can't seem to resist disclaimers, let me say that I know the way this chapter starts may feel like a bit of a swerve (I hope not a cop-out, but I could see it being mistaken for one). Please rest assured that you will get resolution on the matter of EzrA being brought to justice; it just may not come in perfectly linear form. :) I hope the reasons I chose a non-linear form -- most saliently, to focus on Aria's psychological state and the slow work of recovery -- will come through. 
> 
> lastly, I'll also just mention that this section ended up feeling like one of the most personal ones that I'd written, and while I hope it feels true to the characters, there may be just as much of me in it is as there is of Aria. by disclosing that, I don't mean to be offering you any sort of key to the text's meaning, which I think we readers and writers of fic can agree is not to be neatly summed up by verdicts of intention and biography -- but still, I feel like the fact bears mentioning. If you happen to see some of _you_ in it, as well, possibly out of a shared experience growing up in girlhood in our sometimes-just-as-scary-as-PLL "real world," and if the reading gives you any comfort, then my ultimate wishes and dreams for this story have been fulfilled. so, if you got this far, thank you for being here, and I see you. believe me when i say that the story is ours.  <3

[](https://imgur.com/BaJYP7S)   
[](https://imgur.com/KhgwrnI)   
[](https://imgur.com/HwrV6FA)   
[](https://imgur.com/ZsdBYv8)   
[](https://imgur.com/Jq4AUJK)   
[](https://imgur.com/MFqejYD)   
[](https://imgur.com/0d6cmyb)   
[](https://imgur.com/8MrWL7N)   
[](https://imgur.com/irjkt5d)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and I know this isn't a real ending, it's just the way my pdf works!! if you can, picture this section ending with the asterisk.... cross my heart and hope to die, there'll be more to come tomorrow. :~) :~) :~)


	17. because even a person of poverty, pt ii

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as promised! :) more to come soon, but I wanted to make sure to get this up tonight like I said I would. after this there is just one _final_ chapter -- and then I am going to have to figure out what to do about the vacuum of sparia content in my life! thanks as always for the lovely comments, you guys, and for sticking with this project until the very bitter(sweet) end.  <3
> 
> (you may notice that the page below is a duplicate; I did that just so you can start reading right after the asterisk., since my pdf formatting doesn't divide it very cleanly, but I think that is the most natural place to pause.)

[](https://imgur.com/irjkt5d)   
[](https://imgur.com/ofPcLVf)   
[](https://imgur.com/7lOXkau)   
[](https://imgur.com/NI7EYik)   
[](https://imgur.com/9Enkwhq)   
[](https://imgur.com/upeDCbl)   
[](https://imgur.com/a75zMtB)   
[](https://imgur.com/mdWnBrn)   
[](https://imgur.com/zalwPyI)   
[](https://imgur.com/aoA65ux)   
[](https://imgur.com/8Q2WaIn)   
[](https://imgur.com/6fnkxoM)   
[](https://imgur.com/vkptqqG)   
[](https://imgur.com/NKoXt1V)   
[](https://imgur.com/XSV2b3g)   
[](https://imgur.com/DRyJz2c)   
[](https://imgur.com/9XLOLsK)


	18. [. . .]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _What we call the beginning is often the end  
>  And to make an end is to make a beginning._
> 
> ^ me trying to do what PLL did in the finale -- though hopefully less cheesy -- w/a little help from T.S. Eliot. :)
> 
> I can't believe I'm posting the last chapter of this, and honestly my heart is _so_ not done with it. I really want to have more writing for you guys at some point in the near future. It might take a little while, but please hold me to that -- and, if you like, stay in touch! I'll be on tumblr @metaphlora and @allistobedared2018, as always.
> 
> My deepest gratitude for your company along the way!

[](https://imgur.com/G0KAhX8)   
[](https://imgur.com/MixImOD)   
[](https://imgur.com/NSfcAMp)   
[](https://imgur.com/MkTl9AT)   
[](https://imgur.com/0asaoLM)   
[](https://imgur.com/0odpspz)   
[](https://imgur.com/4l1D61o)   
[](https://imgur.com/wwYUKcF)   
[](https://imgur.com/K8OmqvE)   
[](https://imgur.com/0ppD0mu)   
[](https://imgur.com/k7W16E0)   
[](https://imgur.com/xXlbfjI)   
[](https://imgur.com/BncSP8k)   
[](https://imgur.com/T5qbOS5)   
[](https://imgur.com/noiUcgN)   
[](https://imgur.com/mJgd3Oz)   
[](https://imgur.com/0aMries)


End file.
